What could make someone prone to starting good habits quickly and often, only to abandon them for different, bad habits in a short period of time? I'm talking about someone that tries to, and by all measures, seems to, 'get their life together' often, only to 'mess it up' with bad habits/bad associations. Examples could be: Seeming to be renewed by a sense of self worth, only to get into another damaging relationship, starting an exercise regimen and sticking to it for a month, only to gain the weight back (plus some), starting a new diet and then quitting it a month later, starting a new job but getting fired within 6 months, etc.
I've been trying to figure out why I'm so Neurotic (NEUROTICISM - 87th percentile, WITHDRAWAL - 91st percentile, VOLATILITY - 77th percentile) and it struck me within the last half hour while I was dealing with the inconvenience of road construction on my way home from work that my reaction(s) to it could be summed up, at least partially, in two ways: "why should I have to deal with this?", and "[it] shouldn't be this difficult" - (While the second one could be applied specifically, I did also notice it could be extrapolated into a generally applicable sentiment). With an eye towards deconstructing those statements, that come across and feel like expressions of neurotic drives - that I'd like to retire and grow out of - what are your thoughts? Thank you :)
There was a time when I was young that everything made sense, and I knew enough and was quick enough to come up with answers to the questions I was faced with - either from my peers or life. I don't remember *exactly* when that changed, but I do seem to recall a certain realization having a significant role in that change - the realization that no matter what I did and how I protected myself anything I could build could be taken down too quickly and easily by someone that would face no repercussions from their wrongdoing. (That's definitely part of it; it felt like a wound in my psyche was partially filling in and my lower neck/ upper torso relaxed - noticeably - while I typed that.) That is the essence of it; the more specific realization was that (insane) women could ruin my life with mere accusations and get away with it because I had no recourse against it as a man. How do I get over this? I'm tired of holding myself back, and I'm tired of not being as quick as I used to be, *need* to be, or thought I was - and through looking into the culture war I can no longer stay convinced that I will be able to avoid, first of all: genuine conflict in things I shouldn't have to even participate in against people that live it, and secondly the seemingly increasingly likely civil war... all of which is compounded because I can't even process whether things are truly escalating in that fashion or not (as the data is impossible to collect, let alone measure, accurately.) .............................................If it helps, my results from your personality test are, AGREEABLENESS - 35th percentile, COMPASSION - 42nd percentile, POLITENESS - 32nd percentile, CONSCIENTIOUSNESS - 35th percentile, INDUSTRIOUSNESS - 8th percentile, ORDERLINESS - 76th percentile, EXTRAVERSION - 31st percentile, ENTHUSIASM - 47th percentile, ASSERTIVENESS - 22nd percentile, NEUROTICISM - 87th percentile, WITHDRAWAL - 91st percentile, VOLATILITY - 77th percentile, OPENNESS TO EXPERIENCE - 61st percentile, INTELLECT - 72nd percentile, OPENNESS - 44th percentile .................................................................................................... Part of me is just like "You just need to actually learn to *think* - like the good Dr. says", while another part tells me I just need to contribute something useful and productive, while yet another aspect says, "You can't even bear the burden of your own fucking Neuroticism, what do you think you'll be able to do for anyone else that won't be counter-productive or make you look more stupid than you should."