Raising children and feeling valued
Jordan, thank you for the many hours of lectures and conversations that are available online. My Dad (and hero) suggested your lectures to me in late 2018, and as a stay at home mother of 5, listening to you speak has been an immeasurable source of learning, growth and reassurance for me. For someone to highlight the importance of rules, values and hierarchy in a society that seems to have lost its way with respect to these, your work is so necessary and I thank God you are able to continue this, I hope and pray for many many years. What advice can you give to a conscientious mother of 5, who studied law at University then chose to stay in the home to raise 5 children and who now struggles with feeling undervalued by society, as it seems to place a higher value on women in the workforce than those working in the home raising children? For many years now I have struggled with a sense of being under valued for the decision to raise my children at home and postpone "career" opportunities (just a job really). Especially since the pandemic, the term "essential worker" meant many could continue to work under the guise of being more "essential" than others (I do not mean those front line health carers in hospitals etc but simply those who didn't want the hassle of juggling zoom meetings and their children under the same roof), while those parents who schooled their children at home during lockdowns went through a period of extreme difficulty, some juggling both their small children and those needing support to get through their school work. I can't figure out if my resentment stems from the need for me to just grow up (and only compare myself to who I was yesterday, rather than to others) or to try and transform my agreeable personality, instead of wanting to feel valued by society/others. While I value my choice to stay at home and believe it to be a worthwhile one, I feel at odds with society and it's difficult to just say, I don't care what others think. I have one son with a developmental delay, diagnosed with autism and who struggles socially, and the extra challenges we face as a family with his needs, has increased my resentment towards those who appear to handball their duty as a parent under the guise of pursuing a career. I personally feel that it is a challenging task to stay in the home with your children mentally and physically (having been in the workforce before raising children, the latter has been far more challenging) and while I believe it's a wonderful thing for women to work and feel valued in that, even necessary for some to make ends meet, the social norm seems to have shifted so that a stay at home mother of preschool age children is the exception to the rule and as a result not considered as valuable as a working mother. I cannot understand why society does not seem to hold it as a higher value, than it currently seems to, the decision for a woman to adopt the responsibility of her role as wife and mother to bring her meaning and purpose. I have spent many years on volunteer committee roles (and stretched myself and given too much time to these) to some degree, to justify my existence in society and make up for my decision to be in the home and not to work. After listening to you speak about resentment, I scaled back on too many volunteer roles, as I could see myself growing resentful and being taken for granted. In essence, can you shed any light on how to stop feeling at odds with what society seems to value in this context and feel at peace with sticking to my value structure, or am I just perceiving things incorrectly?
How do I identify and fix a personal problem?
Hi Dr. Peterson. For a few years now I've been experiencing some sort of problem that I can't identify nor fix. All I know is it's a psychological problem and it makes it next to impossible to do the things I need to do. I feel like I've tried every option I could possibly think of. I've seen multiple psychologists and therapists but despite my best efforts little if any progress is made. I've tried to diagnose it through learning about psychology but, again, little progress. I've tried to think it through in my head. No dice. I've even tried writing, but as soon as I'm forced to formalize everything, it seems that there's too much to cover, examine and remember. Do you have any suggestions for what one could do to figure out what exactly the problem even is? Thank you.
If thou knowest what thou doest, art thou blest?
Good evening Dr. Peterson. My name is Karl Gustav Timlin, the guy who designed the Hail Lobster logo! Can't wait to see you in Toronto! I've been wrestling with one of your ideas, in particular, since I read your second book. You wrote that in a noncannonical variant of the New Testament, Jesus tells a man "if indeed thou knowest what thou doest, thou art blest; but if thou knowest not, thou art accursed, and a transgressor against the Law." If you understand the most sacred of rules and their necessity, you can shoulder the responsibility of making an exception for a higher good. Could somebody, therefore, use this as an argument against something as necessary as freedom of speech? How can we easier distinguish between those who wish to rescue one of their flock on the Sabbath and those who hide their evil intentions behind false virtue? I fully support freedom of speech, fyi. See you May 24th 🦞
I can’t seem to get out of my own way.
Get out of your own way! I’ve been told multiple of times and never understood why until recently. For a while I felt lost, like I was drifting. Then I came across your content and you gave me hope. After being in sales and business development for close to 10 years you can imagine the amount of rejection and machiavellian behavior I faced. The negative thoughts in my mind would sometimes over power me and still do sometimes. I can’t seem to get out of my own way. I do things I know I shouldn’t be doing, but I won’t stop. Whether its buying things, watching inappropriate things, or eating what I shouldn’t be eating. I can’t seem to control myself at times. Sometimes I’ll go on my phone scroll and 45 mins later I feel disappointed in myself. I keep doing things that make me disappointed in me and I seem to refuse to stop. I keep repeating toxic behaviors knowing damn well they will not help me in anyway. I feel like im digging myself in a whole. I’ve identified my toxic behaviors, but I feel stuck on how to address them and or when I do I fall short. Sometimes I get so low I actually think death would be more peaceful than living. How do you conquer thyself?