How do I develop an identity and find meaningful pursuits for me with such an eccentric personality? My Big 5 traits are all over the place... 1st % Agreeableness, 1st % Conscientiousness, 95th % Openness, while the rest is somewhat balanced. I´m certainly motivated by competition, freedom, creative and intellectual pursuits but I have no idea how to combine those. It also doesnt help that I´m extremly lazy. I´ve tried everything you´ve suggested before (like using a calendar, getting a routine, making a plan etc.) but nothing works.
Hi, You have been talking about the Columbine killers and their motives. I have understood that the ultimate evil deed in the world is to kill a lot of people and then your self as "fuck you" to God. I can see here a motive to seek attention as well. So what about those child molesters who rape and kill children and do that in the shadow and continue their "work" while sharing the videos of their deeds in the dark web. For me that is the most evil thing I can imagine. Can you share your thoughts on this?
Not a question; just something I believe you'd find interesting and relevant to the Commandment, and this seemed like the best chance of bringing it to your attention. In recent years a museum curator by the name of Edward Bleiberg has put forth proposal that the damage suffered by Egyptian idols is too consistent to be simple wear-and-tear. The idols were thought to house the spirits of gods or the deceased and was the vehicle through which these spirits acted on the world. Bleiberg proposes that statues were frequently vandalized in particular ways in order to render the idols inert and incapable of avenging, say, the desecration of its tomb. Remove ears so that it cannot hear prayers, remove hands so it cannot receive offerings, remove noses so that it lacks the breath of life. If this kind of behavior was at all common throughout the rest of the Middle East region, I believe the Commandment against creating any imagery of God might have given Judaism a unique resilience. Whenever the Jewish state faltered and they were subjugated external tyrannies, there was no simple way for the conquering foe to sever the People's connection with their deity. No idols to smash. They could always turn back to Him as soon as they had made the decision; no time-consuming and costly carving of a new Image required. This could have gone a long way towards creating that trend you comment on so frequently: That whenever the Jewish state failed, the immediate assumption was that they had failed God rather than the other way around. https://scienceinfo.net/the-truth-behind-many-ancient-egyptian-statues-lost-their-noses.html https://www.cnn.com/style/article/egyptian-statues-broken-noses-artsy/index.html https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oj_0yT6TcoU
First I apologize for the length of this question, I am can be no other way. Context: I feel as if a curse runs down the mother's side of my family, 3 out of 4 of her siblings, as well as her, are greatly afflicted with some form of significant mental illness although she has the worst of it by a mile - save for me and my brother. She has two sons, myself and my brother, and I believe that we suffered the classic devouring mother, with a cowardly fleeing father. She kneecapped us both - the details are not important - and as a result we suffer immensely. I have been through DBT and completed it, although I found it somewhat condescending and childish with its approach - in retrospect I would have probably preferred CBT. I have made significant strides in my life, and can enumerate them, but my problem is this: No matter how much better I perform, or how much I accomplish, no matter how much people enjoy my presence, no matter how many people I charm or help with their problems (and I do), there is no happiness for me. When Moses leads his people to the promised land, and god denys him his reward, I feel as if that is me. If life is about the journey moreso than the reward, then my journey I feel is fated to be one of excessive negative emotion, endlessly looped and heaped upon my back. I feel I could be fantastically wealthy, or brilliant or perform some incredible breakthrough and it would not grant me pride nor satisfaction. I feel as if I could cure a difficult form of cancer, and still feel the same hopeless despair that I always have. I Just want to stress, I am not someone who has taken this lying down, or given up, i have accomplished some meager victories that have made members of my family very proud of me considering the depths of the pit I used to inhabit. But I suffer, day by day, moment by moment. I oscillate from loving humanity then wishing everyone who falls short of my vision scourged from the earth. The extremes are tearing me apart - GREATLY. It is so bad that depending on my mood I score very differently in all manner of tests. I can one day be very agreeable and cowardly, and the next excessively disagreeable and it sometimes leaves coworkers and friends greatly confused. I either love something or hate it outright, and only in these brief sunsets and sunrises of twilight in my moods can I enjoy more nuanced opinions. Learning new things causes me an incredible amount of stress in particular, every new concept feels difficult to grasp - until I do, and then it seemed to simple in retrospect, but the process of doing so, of experiencing new, and pushing myself, is incredibly fraught with negative emotion and I experience no relief or pleasure at doing well. You were once asked a question about folks with BPD, to which you said you did not have the energy to adequately answer the question. I truly feel I understand this, as I believe it is much more complicated, as the one under its auspices I certainly feel this is so. I struggle to cultivate regular habits, and discipline, and have become VERY resentful of the current crop of kids whom I believe play at mental illness, whilst those of us truly suffering are devalued. I could ramble incoherently ad infinitum about all the ways it impacts my life, so I won't. But I am a deep thinker, tending towards brooding, reveries, and feel attracted to the darkest aspects of our species. Questions (two that are related): FIrst, do you have advice for someone like me? To be more specific, do you have advice on how I can reduce my specific form of suffering? I have been an ardent fan for YEARS, and I have followed much of what you have proposed and it has helped. BUT I STILL SUFFER - my material life has improved, but I have no relief, no reprieve. It never ends, and I fear it will make a premature end to me. But if all I have to look forward to is going about my life mechanically whilst my internal life wilts on the vine, I honestly don't know if I can make my way through this world, I fear the death of one of my parents may be too great a shock. Second, can you recommend truly good reading, perhaps from Jung, or Freud - people of true insight into this struggle? There are some books on the matter but my opinion on them feels as if they are more pop-psy in their approach. I have taken to viewing myself as simply, actually, and as real as such things can be: Cursed. And like the many unwashed masses at your door, I reach out to you with undeserving hands desperately wanting succor: How should I be? Thank you. Truly.